Great Britain

Great Britain is an island off the coast of Lesser Britain, about which the littler said, the better. It is near England and Ireland, with which it is constantly at war.

The chief exports of Great Britain are mad cow disease, fog, and Pixie's lesbian porn videos.

Once upon a time, Great Britain contrived a scheme to trade opium for Chinese tea. Great Britain was awash in opium, which it had stolen from the Indians. As a result, Great Britain was likewise overrun by soggy poets who smoked opium all day and wrote about sex all night. To relieve this condition, Great Britain perpetrated the Opium Wars against China, dumping opium in the harbors in a manner learned from the Indians of Boston. The Chinese rapidly became stoned and gave the Great British all the tea in China. To date, Great Britishers are tea addicts and highly allergic to opium -- it causes them to break out in Trainspotting.