Ritz Cracker Rebellion of 2002
From Chakuwiki
- Ritz Cracker Rebellion of 2002.
An unfortunate sidelight to the idyllic lifestyle enjoyed by residents of Saladia was the so-called Ritz Cracker Rebellion. Perpetrated by an underground band of overweight malcontents living on Dietary Drive, the plot first came to light through a tip gathered from attentive students at Atkins Elementary School.
It is now unclear who was involved in the plot, as all evidence of their identities were dutifully expunged from Saladia social records and fitness center rolls, as was befitting their crimes. A next door neighbor only referred to one of the conspirators as “That guy, Fawkes”. All evidence that remains of the planning and partial execution of the Rebellion resides on a yellow sticky note found attached to the ring leader’s refrigerator door. This evidence is locked safely away at Saladia City Hall, and has never been seen by a living soul since.
From what information that can be gleaned by word of mouth, the plot involved the illegal shipment of snack foods, primarily party crackers, from a black-market source in nearby Fat City. It has been rumored that an unknown benefactor from New Yorkie had a hand in the goodie transaction and was even planning weekly shipments by rental truck filled to the top with Cheese Whiz, thin-sliced Salami and Yoo-Hoos.
The plan fell to ruin -- as is now well known -- by the vigilance and civic pride of educators and the sharp ears of children. Several young ones overheard details of the plan while practicing Tai-Bo on a patio while adults pretended to attend a Weight Watchers meeting inside. Once this scandalous information reached authorities, they sprang into action, blockading all access to Saladia and inspecting incoming vans and trucks with snack-sniffing dogs.
For more information, please visit the Ritz Cracker Memorial outside Saladia Community Center and Gym.
