|Country:||United States of America|
|Capital city:||Sacramento, the most boring city on the planet. Seriously, there's nothing to do there but wait to die.|
- The name of California was given to it by Alfonso Californo, a conquistador and matador of the Spanish Main. Nonetheless, the name turned out to be descriptive as well, for Californo's name may be interpreted as referring to a hot oven (cali horno) or hot sex (cali porno). Thus, the name describes both the southern region of the state as well as the Bay Area and West Hollywood
- The chief exports of California are fruit, wine, software, and cults. The chief imports include anime and girls-next-door.
- California is bordered on the north by South Canada (also known as Oregon) and on the east by Las Vegas.
The major cities of California are:
- Sacramento - This is where people go to die.
- San Francisco - This is where people go to get in touch with the gay culture. It is the asshole of America.
- Silicone Valley - A region composed entirely of high-bandwidth breast implants.
- Los Angeles - Populated by talentless hacks, hayseeds and one of the largest inner-city Shanty Towns you'll ever see. I'm not kidding. Drive around Little Tokyo in Downtown LA. The homeless people have established a colony.
- West Hollywood - A suburb of Los Angeles composed entirely of drag queens and Orthodox Jews. These two groups both migrated here for the same reason: to escape the depredations of a street gang known as "LAPD". No, really.
- Orange County - Once the home of many trees that bore fruit named after the county, Orange County (official motto: "We Are Not Los Angeles!") was incorporated in the late 1890s when yuppies of the time grew ill of being associated with Los Angeles. Future plans involve renaming the county "House County".
- Anaheim - The city where, when The Mouse farts, the city jumps.
- San Diego - Nicest weather in the entire state. They have a big zoo, but it doesn't have any komodo dragons running around free, so it actually sucks.