China

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China
Hemispheres: Eastern Hemisphere
Continent: Asia
Capital city: Hong Kong
Official language: Chinese [[{{{6}}}]]

China is a capital country of Asia made entirely of porcelain.

  1. China is located somewhere near California.
  2. Millions of years old, China underwent a communist resolution. Because of this, they had to build a wall to keep out advancing Persians, who attacked on flying rugs.

Industry

  1. China is inhabited mainly by factories that produce extremely high-quality goods and that are addicted to opium. Recently, China has introduced detox and treatment centers for factories suffering from addiction.
  2. China manufactures great walls for export to all parts of the world. However, the WTO once said off the record that "they aren't that great, so there!"

Military and Politics

  1. The Chinese army is composed of 500,000 men riding bicycles with sharpened bamboo sticks. It is greatly feared for its secret, highly noxious weapon that once deployed stinks up an entire city or country. (Although the recipe is secret, it is rumored to be a highly concentrated extract from the puddles of Funky Chinatown.)
  1. Ever since Mao Zedong's reign 10,000 years ago, every citizen of China has received a continual subscription to Redbook magazine. Why Mao began this policy is unclear; it may, however, explain the country's thriving silk, textile and fashion industries.

Culture

  1. Pre-Columbus China was best known for its dynasties, such as the Kungfu dynasty, the Windsor dynasty, and, more recently, the Kennedy dynasty and the Bush dynasty.
  2. Chinese familes are only allowed to have one child. If a second child is born by mistake, they are surgically attached to each other to slip through a loophole in the law. The Siam family was the first to practice such a procedure, and this is where the phrase "Siamese twins" comes from.
  3. The Chinese language is written in hieroglyphics. A Chinese expression must be verified by the Communist Party as being at least 1,000 years old before it may be translated for fortune cookies. All sayings of Mao Zedong or Confucius are officially 10,000 years old; all sayings of Falun Gong or Democratis have officially not yet been said.
  4. The government ushers in the Chinese New Year (which comes in February for some reason) with a massive bonfire in Beijing. Officials light the fire by rubbing two Falun Gong members together.
  5. In China it is customary to plan one's fiscal year, wedding, or other significant event by consulting the ancient I-Ching oracle. The oracle consists of three wet noodles, which one shakes and casts on the ground. One then runs around the noodles clockwise three times, chanting, "I Ching, You Ching, We All Ching for I Ching." Then one examines the noodle pattern and interprets it according to rules set out in the ancient, sacred podcast. Lather, rinse, and repeat as needed.
  6. Every Chinese person knows Kong Foo.
  7. Not so long ago China launched an artifical satellite. Over one billion Chines citizens participated in this great act: 500 million held the slingshot, and the other 500 million stretched the elastic.
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