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  1. London is a village in the United Kingdom.
  2. Most of London is underground due to residual surface air pollution caused by the London Bridge falling down. This sector of the city is referred to as the London Underground. Just as America is overrun with Starbucks, the London Underground is overrun with Subway restaurants.
  3. London is often referred to colloquially as The Smoke, due to its historical connection to fish smoking.
  4. Polish is spoken in all shops.
  5. London is ruled by Chairman Ken, who with his little red book has banned Routemaster busses and imposed bendy busses on the repressed population. Herds of decommissioned Routemasters now roam the streets preying on unsuspecting tourists. They are best avoided by getting on a bendy bus in the middle and not paying� Remeber Chairman Ken loves you.
  6. London is surrounded on all sides by guards. They wear bright red coats, and have tall furry hats. They are not allowed to move or smile at all. Also, they carry large rifles, which makes them the only peace-keeping force in the villiage that carries firearms (The regular police only carry whistles.) The guards are there to protect the queen (Margaret Thatcher), and they regularly take turns going to the bathroom in groups of twenty in a grand ceremony called the "changing of the guards"
  7. The police force only recruits men with the first name of Robert, this is then shortened to "Bobby" to make it easier for tourist who get lost to ask for help.
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