Texas

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  1. Texas is the capital state of the United States of America and its region Jesusland.
  2. Every individual in Texas owns at least three rifles and twelve pistols. This is by law. Minors are permitted to carry only up to two rifles, two pistols, and two beebee guns.
  3. All texans are cowboys. Women don't exist, so there are no cowgirls. Nevertheless, there is no buttsex.
  4. Texans cannot tolerate vegetables. Instead they eat twice as much animal products. They will eat the non-meat parts as well.
  5. Texans do not use imperial measurements, but instead use Texas Imperial measurements, which is just the regular imperial system except you add 1 yard onto everything and end by saying, "Texas size!"
  6. All Texans drive pick up trucks. Gun racks are standard equipment, as are mud flaps.
  7. Japan is within driving distance of Texas.
  8. People walk around barefoot.
  9. ...but everyone is required to carry a gun. The bigger, the better.
  10. Anyone caught wearing cowboy boots, who does not own at least one cow, gets shot at the OK Corral or the Alamo.
  11. The OK Corral (located in Tombstone, Arizona) was originally part of Texas as was all of the Wild, Wild West. The state was split up following the great Western Dis-Union Act of 1888.
  12. The capital of Texas is Boot Hill. This should not be confused with Booty Hill, a district in Funkytown.
  13. "Messing with Texas" is a capital offence. The definition of "messing" depends on the number and size of the accuser's guns relative to those of the accused.
  14. It is rumored that Jesus lives somewhere in Texas, Only Bush knows.
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