Washington

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Formed in 1999, Seattle spawned from a primordial soup consisting entirely of coffee and whipped cream. In six years it has changed the world through its population of highly educated left-wing extremists. Known mainly as the birthplace of the ruler of all the internets: Bill Gates.

One of Bill Gates's friends, Paul Allen, owns many sports teams in the area, enabling him to spread his political propaganda in order to control cafeine-addicted tree hugging liberals as part of a mass United States takeover using porn as its chief method of mind control.

Or something like that.

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